Cecilia’s school has been out on holiday break since the beginning of time December 21st, and while Chris has been helped tremendously, the share of childcare responsibilities have fallen on me. Something about the CEO is more important than the company administrator, yada yada yada.  (Just remember who write the paychecks, bud.  Or hell, knows where the checkbook is.)  Tomorrow, Goldilocks heads back to the schoolyard, and I’m more than ecstatic.  Having her at home is fun for the first half of a day, but by the afternoon, someone needs a nap and she just won’t let me get one.

Beyond peace and quiet, I’m really looking forward to the return of school so I can pack her lunch.  Yep, that’ right. Packing her lunch excites me.  You see, I bought her a nifty bento box and a new Hello Kitty lunchbox.  What’s a bento box, you ask? It’s a cute Japanese lunch box with little compartments.  You often see bento boxes at Japanese restaurants on their lunch menu, but your typical kids made-at-home bento is much more elaborate and creative.

* picture from ohdeedoh.com 

I bought several veggie cutters and Hello Kitty cookie cutters (for sandwiches).  I’m hoping this will inspire Cecilia to eat more of her lunch.  Unfortunately, a lot of her lunches come back with hardly any food consumed.  I suspect she’s a little jealous of her classmates overly processed Lunchables (sorry, guys, but meat shouldn’t come wrapped up like that).  If anything, I think the fun shapes and colors will intrigue her friends, and Sass loves the attention.  It’s also a great way to style leftovers to make them more appealing.

*picture from  flickr.com

Bentos are just for kids.  Chris also got a box for Christmas, and he loves it.

If you want to read up on Bentos, there’s quite a bit of good information out on the web.  If you need ideas on how to create cute boxes, there’s a few Bento blogs.  Sometimes they’re hard to find in the US for a good price.  (The ones I’ve seen on Amazon are expensive!)  However, I found some great deals on Bentos and accessories on eBay from sellers in Hong Kong & China. Make sure you check your shipping costs!

Happy Bento Boxing!

I realize it’s been way too long since I last posted to even call myself a blogger.  To be honest, it’s not a title a really attribute to myself anymore.  My life has become extremely full, and my blog has been left behind in order to follow other passions and connections.  It’s actually a really good sign, in a way, because it shows that I’m making connections with people in person and finding myself somewhere besides the vast, empty internet.  With that said, don’t be concerned when I do get around to posting.  It’s not a litmus test for my emotional and social health (hopefully) as much as me taking a moment to share some thoughts that are swirling in my head.

One of the things that is currently taking some of my energies is yoga.  I’m in the process of obtaining my Registered Yoga Teacher - 200 hour (RYT-200) certification.  I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do with the certification.  I’ve done a little teaching already, and technically I can teach now.  However, I’m not sure if I want to.  I’m just enjoying the courses and growing my knowledge.  I feel like I fell into this program and that I’m just suppose to be doing it.  I’ll see where the journey takes me, and even if it doesn’t take me anywhere, I’m really loving the ride.

Hopefully, just with that little paragraph, you can see that my yoga training has changed my thought processes a bit.  I’m sure I’ll delve deeper into that another day, but for this post, I want to talk about projections.   In my last class, we talked about how we are all projections of God and how this is a commonality in all religion.  The Bible even says in Genesis 1:27, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” For most of my life, I interpreted to this to a literal meaning - I physically look like God, but I now realize that perception is much to superficial.  My physical body is earthly.  It’s is my soul that is unearthly. Dare I even say divine?  My soul was created by God in his own image.  Or rather, my soul is a projection of God.

I know - it’s heavy.  Take a second to process it.  Or, if you think I’m swimming in heathen waters, take a second to pray for me.

Back to the divine soul.  God created these amazing souls and entrusted them to us.  He also gave us some pretty basic instructions - love.  Love everyone.  Love all the time.  And if you really think about it, the root of a joyful, fulfilling life is love.  In love, we find gratitude.  In love, we find acceptance.  In love, we find peace.  In love, we find fulfillment and contentment.

These thoughts have forced me to focus on my own projections.  If my soul is a projection of God, is my life a projection of my soul?  We have the ability to lift up and give love to folks so easily.  Kindness to a cashier.  Willingness to let another driver into the line of backed up cars.  Donations of goods and time to those in need.  Gratitude for those who serve you.  But also, just as importantly, we have the ability to not bring someone down.  We can choose to not react and not take offense.  We can approach others’ digressions with an open heart and know that there will be a coming day that we will be the transgressor.

Of course, my saying of these things hardly makes me an expert.  I struggle.  I get flustered, especially on school mornings, and snip at my husband and child.  I get annoyed.  I get angry.  And that’s with taking anti-anxiety medicine every day.  However, I’m trying to be mindful.  I try to ask myself if my words or actions will bring someone down.  I try to focus on the good things and ignore the bad.  I try to just say, “Thank you,” when receiving a compliment instead of undoing it by downplaying or contradicting the giver’s kind words.  I want my life, my words, and my actions to be a projection of my soul.  I want my energy to be a loving energy.  I want to feed the fire of another spirit, not dampen it.

My challenge for you is to take a moment to reflect on your projections.  Does your praise always come with a criticism?  Do you spend more time wanting and not enough time being grateful?  Do your words project a loving energy or a negative energy?

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7

When Cecilia was about 18 months, I was giving myself a big pat on the back because she was an awesome eater and enjoying all sorts of foods, like asparagus and tofu.  I knew I was doing a great service to her by introducing her to different foods early on.

But then she turned two.

Suddenly, she hated everything except hot dogs and applesauce, and even then, those foods had certain rules.  Hot dogs need ketchup, and the applesauce had to be the squeezy packet kind.  Homemade, home canned organic applesauce wasn’t good enough.  It needed a cap.

Thankfully Cecilia’s starting to come out of that a little bit.  She’s starting to eat salad with dressing and applesauce in individual container.  Once again, tofu is a favorite.  However, some stuff is still a toss up.  She hates melon, loves grapes.  She’ll only eat carrots that have cooked all day with a roast.  It’s just trial and error.

Today, however, was a big win.  Last night I grabbed a bunch of apples from the bargain bin at the grocery store.  You know, the ones with a spot on them and need to be consumed immediately.  Normally I only buy squash or something that is easy to prepare and consume a lot of at one time.  It had been a while since I made dried fruit in my awesome food dehydrator, and I thought apple chips would make a good snack.

I have to admit that I was a little frustrated while cutting up 15 pieces of fruit, but it was totally worth it this morning when I discovered Cecilia LOVES dried apples.  Fresh apples are one of those toss up fruits for her - some days she’ll eat it, some days she just gives it to the dog - but she can’t get enough dried apples.  And it’s a big bonus that I know where the apples came from and that NOTHING was added to them. It’s just fruit - no sugars, no preservatives.  Looks like I’ll be shopping that bargain fruit bin a little more.

Have you seen that crazy show on TLC?  I am, by no means, endorsing it, but if you choose to watch it, it’s hard to look away.  It’s like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion, and there’s nothing that you can do about it.  Just try not to think about the fact that these are real children because that will just make you said, and try to keep their little souls in your prayers because that’s all you can do.

I digress.

If you see my child in the next few days, please do not judge us and assume that I’m one of those stage moms.  I know she’s sporting  very dark, nearly black, purple fingernail polish.  Trust me, I would have painted them a soft pink if I could have.  However, I promised Cecilia that I would paint her fingernails if she pooped in the potty.  In fact, I’ve been promising her this for nearly two weeks without any success.  But today, she told me she needed to go, and she peed AND pooped on the potty.  When she got off the potty, she was very excited and told me she wanted “Purple!!” Unfortunately, the only purple I had was dark, emo purple.

Basically what I’m saying is that my desire to potty train my child outweighs my desire to get your approval as a good mom.  Amen.

Cecilia has started to display a little sassy lately.  However, it’s appropriate placed sass, not rebellious, boundary testing whining.  Tonight was a good example.

I went to the gym before dinner time, and knowing that dinner would be late, Chris got through the bathtime routine while they waited for me to come home with pizza.  After we consumed delicious Papa Murphy’s, I told Cecilia that it was time to brush teeth, and she followed me to the bathroom.  Once we were there, she started twirling her hair, looked at me, and said, “Daddy already brushed my teeth so…”  I wasn’t sure I heard her right and asked her to repeat herself.  Again, she said, “Daddy already brushed my teeth so…”

For the record, we brushed and flossed, and Chris had, in fact, brushed her teeth before dinner.

As this blog has documented, I’ve gotten really, really bad at following through on resolutions.  This year, my list is mostly a to-do, like reduce clutter, get a financial planner, etc.  The only true “resolution” is to give up diet soda.

My relationship to diet soda is a lot like a smokers relationship to cigarettes.  Well, maybe it’s not that deadly, but it’s that strong and addictive. I really struggle with this one. I’ve got two dietitian friends, and one firmly believes that all soda, even diet soda, is bad for you.  (The other is as equally addicted to Coke Zero as I am.)  However, I’ve been trying to eliminate processed foods from my families diet and replacing it with healthier options, and it doesn’t take a nutrition degree to realize diet soda is the ultimate processed food.  I mean, there’s nothing natural about that stuff.  It’s made of chemicals - delicious chemicals - but chemicals just the same.

Many, many years ago, I gave up caffeine, and since I don’t like Diet Sprite or 7up, I consumed very little soda.  I felt better physically than I had ever felt, and I was also the smallest that I’ve ever been.  At this stage in my life, giving up caffeine isn’t an option I’m willing to explore. I love my morning cup of coffee (albeit 3/4 decaff), and I enjoy drinking unsweet tea while dining out. There are women who can live with a toddler and live without caffeine.  I am not one of those women.

I know it’s only been four days, but it’s been hard.  I get Coke Zero cravings several times a day.  The coolers at the registers at the grocery store call to me.  I’ve been trying to replace my soda with water, but let’s face it - water sucks.  I told Chris that I would try it for three months and see if I feel better, but I think the reality is that I have to take it day by day and hope that three months come quickly.

When I’m stressed, I pick at my toes.  I scratch off my polish.  I tear at my nails.  I just beat them up.  And lately, I’ve been pretty stressed so my poor little phalanges look pretty rough.  For the most part, I don’t really think about it, especially in wintertime when I’m constantly wearing socks.  That’s until I go to yoga class.  Then I find myself getting embarrassed.

I’ve been going to the same classes for over a year now.  I’ve developed several friendships there.  I’m not sure if they ever notice my toes, but I really notice them there, especially during all the forward folds when my feet are literally in front of my face.  Today was incredibly embarrassing as we were working on proper form and alignment.  Our instructor, who’s also a friend, was checking out our foot placement and correcting us when necessary.  I found myself completely distracted by my ugly feet.

But then during a seated twist, she told the class something that she says often, “You are where you are.”  She was telling folks to not push further into a stretch and to be mindful of where their limitations are.  After all, you can really injure yourself when you try to force your body into something it’s not ready for.  But that got me thinking - I’m surrounded by people who love me.  My toes look this way because I’m stressed.  I am where I am.  If I pretend that I’m not stressed is to force myself into a place that I’m not.  I would be hiding my true self.  To expose your flaws and weakness is to be open, and when you are open, you able to receive and give more love.  I am where I am. I will be okay with that.

I got my Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds catalog this week.  I have to admit I’m pretty excited to look at it.  It sort of reminds me of looking at the JcPenny catalog around Christmastime as a child.  The anticipation is pretty fun.  You circle a bunch of things you wouldn’t mind having, but you’re not sure what you’ll get.  (Of course, I do the choosing these days, but I usually order closer to the spring.)

Last year I had Chris build me a couple salad tables.  Unfortunately, I failed miserably with them.  The tables were great - built exactly to specs - but I had a hard time remembering to water them.  They require about a gallon per table per day, and I’m awful when it comes to watering my plants.  I try to water in the morning or the evening, and that’s a pretty busy time when you’ve got a family to manage.  It actually worked out since we ordered a full share CSA and I had planted salad greens in the ground in my traditional garden.  We had more than enough greens in our household!

This year I want to get the salad tables another try.  I’m thinking we’ll just do a half share of the CSA this time.  Chris and I were never big fans of cooking greens (collards, turnip, spinach), but I did figure out a way to cook them that was enjoyable for both of us.  Despite that, we ended up tossing more than I’d like to admit.   Plus, I’ll hopefully figure out a way to schedule in some watering time.  It only takes about a minute to water both tables, but the hardest part is making myself do it.

Do you have a garden? What’s your daily garden maintenance routine? Any tips that you can share with me?

My parents separated and divorced when I was very young.  When I was a kid, sometimes my friends would ask me for advice after their parents divorced, but I had no advice to give.  It was the only life I had ever known, which was probably to my advantage, because I didn’t know what I was missing out on.

Of course, now that I’m older and have my own family (and having gone through a divorce too), and I have a better concept on what a traditional nuclear family is like and the advantages of that.  However, I also have a better understanding of the benefits of  blended family.  For example, you get exposed to many more things and can become a more rounded person.  My mom taught me to garden. My dad introduced me to computers.  My stepmother showed me the importance of cooking and family meals.  Without these three people, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

And neither would Chris.  Like most people in relationships, I’ve shared with him the things that I love and feel passionately about, and after learning about them, he often feels the same way.  One particular thing that we both love is Crystal Louisiana Hot Sauce.  Crystal is a brand of hot sauces manufactured in southern Louisiana, where my stepmother has roots.  She introduced me to it when I was young, and I introduced Chris when we started dating.  Recently, much to my horror, my local grocery store stopped carrying it.  Luckily, we were already planning to go to New Orleans about a week after we ran out.  Instead of checking other markets in my area, I decided I’d just stock up while down in the bayou.  It wasn’t until I went searching that I discovered that Crystal makes an Extra Hot Hot Sauce, which is most definitely not available in the Nashville Metro Area, and at $.75 a piece at the Slidell Walmart, we stocked up.

All this to say, thank you, Crystals for making the best hot sauce ever.  And thank you, Deborah, for bringing it into my life.

I don’t think this picture shows the true excitement that Cecilia felt this year.  We joined some friends for trick or treating and dinner, and it was a ton of fun to watch a group of toddlers experience Halloween for the first time.  Cecilia got quite the loot, and she was so enthralled with the process that she didn’t even ask to eat any of the candy.  I’m so proud of my big girl.

I’m also pretty proud of myself because I made her costume this year and completed a task on my to do list:

89. Sew my daughter’s Halloween costume

I asked Cecilia several times over the past month what she wanted to be for Halloween, and she always said, “A kitty,” and never changed her mind.  She’s had a couple opportunities to wear her costume, and since it’s basically a shirt and pants, she can wear it long after Halloween.  (There are more pictures in the flickr sidebar.)

Off topic - I’ve decided to turn off comments on posts.  I’ve been inundated with spam comments, and since I’m not posting as often as I once did, I’m turning them off.  I debated taking the site down completely, but Chris suggested I just turn off the comments.  If I start posting regularly again, I’ll consider turning them on again.